Saturday, December 21, 2013

Saturday Update

Eight days of chemo and two weeks of radiation under his belt and Wes is still feeling pretty good.  So far he still has his hair and although we have noticed a slight increase in fatigue, he is still pulling his weight at work.  I'm so grateful that he's working from home as much as he is.

Me, how am I doing?  Horribly.  Seems like my whole day every day is errand after errand and driving driving driving.  My son has missed two activities (Boy scouts and choir practice) this past week, and the girls missed an American Heritage Girls meeting because I was too tired to drive in the evening. And I was also too tired to call and find them a ride. And by too tired, I mean, I could barely hold my body upright by the time I dragged through the door after the radiation treatments around 5 pm each day.

Thank God for the crock pot.

On Wednesday, I bought a car.  I won't go into details about how ridiculous and exhausting the whole process was, but in the end, we got approved for a car loan and were able to get this: 

And it's kind of a big deal for me, personally, because I was the one to do the research, find the vehicle, go talk to the dealer, do the test drive and fill out the initial paperwork application for financing.  I wrote the check for the down payment.  And then I brought Wes in in the evening to finish up the paperwork, sign stuff and all that.  Sorry for the lousy picture that cut off the front and back.  My new ride is a 2012 KIA Sedona.  I hope, truly, that this will be my VERY LAST minivan.  I want my next car to be a compact, because by the time this one is done, hopefully ALL my kids will be adults and driving their own cars.  I look forward to the day.

I don't mean for my blog or my facebook posts to sound whiny or pathetic...but they are.  I'm sorry.  Every day Wes is doing well is a day for rejoicing.  And at the end of this month, hopefully, he'll be allowed to drive again, I think (although I am deeply uncomfortable with the idea of a person with a brain tumor driving a car, even if he IS on anti-seizure meds).

I AM struggling with depression and exhaustion and exhaustion and exhaustion and did I mention exhaustion, and obvious adrenal fatigue and pain.  Having this sort of challenge would be exhausting for anyone.  This, on top of my fibromyalgia and Hashi's, and parenting the kids through their autism related challenges in the midst of this...oy.  I feel sicker than I think I ought to feel with these conditions.  Perhaps I am delusional about what to expect with fibro etc. 

This afternoon I promised to take the kids to see the Hobbit movie. 

I honestly don't know how to ask for help. 

3 comments:

turtlemom3 said...

I have the same problem asking for help - after 35 years with arthritis (finally diagnosed as rheumatoid disease (formerly rheumatoid arthritis) in 2007, and diagnosed with fibro in 1994. Basically, I've been rather miserable since 1979. And my dear husband (DH) puts up with me and helps me with whatever needs helping with at the moment. And I even have trouble asking him for help - which exasperates him no end!
Finally broke down and asked the kiddoes for help with simplifying our home and our lives (going through and tossing out or selling about 75% of our possessions). And I cried for days over it.
So, I know about that part of how you feel. I don't have a husband with brain cancer, but Himself has moderate to severe COPD and has had 4 heart attacks and 6 cardiac caths (7 stents in place). Every day with him is a gift - we've been warned that the "big one" could be any time - or not at all. Terrifies me.
God will help you - as He helps us all. Recommend reading "Everyday Saints" in your copious (NOT!) spare time. It's both a fast and a slow read. You can breeze through it, then find you want to return and savor certain parts much more thoughtfully.
Lily von Schnort, the Bombay cat, says, "Snurffle, rasp, hack, sneeze." (She is a brachycephalic (short-nosed) cat with chronic sinus problems - Himself sez she couldn't sneak up on Marian the Librarian!
Love
Elizabeth

Dianne said...

You poor dear. Has anyone introduced you to the existence of American Cancer Society navigators? They had them in an office right there adjacent to the chemo clinic waiting room when I had my treatments. They are there to help patients and families, well, navigate the world they've been thrust into with a cancer diagnosis. They could help you find support. By all means, whatever way you choose to find it, DO find some help. I hope your church is stepping up. People should be bringing you dinners and offering rides and whatever else they can do. Don't be afraid to ask for help. You know you can't stay this burnt out from exhaustion for the foreseeable future. That's not gonna work. Forgive me if I'm being blunt. Kudos to you for handling things you didn't think you'd have to handle, like the car purchase process, but pace yourself. Get help. And may God give you strength and peace.

Barbara Creasy said...

Asking for help is a hard, but needed, skill. I've been in that position too. I would suggest that one day, on a good day, you get out a calendar and set up rides for kids to all their activities. Take that off your plate. Better yet - when people ask, "What can I do to help?" recruit them to set this up. Taking that task off keeps your life as normal as possible - they continue their activities, and you get a moment of rest to catch up, or regroup.