Nothing bad happened, but I'm just stressed about the joblessness. And tired. And hurting (fibro: stress makes it much much worse). I had a nice hard crying jag this afternoon. Then I prayed for a bit. Then I went shopping.
I got groceries. Chocolate sugar free ice cream: necessary. I wonder when I'll be able to go grocery shopping again. Thinking about the widow that the prophet stayed with, whose food did not run dry. Trying to find opportunities for giving. Seeking to obey God in all things. Will God care for me, too? Not like I can "earn it"...whatever. Often I think I must either be being tested like Job, or beneath God's notice. Why is life so often hard, and so often (pardon my french) shitty?
Dh says he'll go and try to get a 2nd shift warehouse or factory job tomorrow, and keep up his job search during the day.
I took dd in for her check up yesterday and then when I dropped her off at school got to witness her being teased in the office, right in front of me. Middle schoolers have no shame. I asked her about the incident later and she told me she just thought the girl who was teasing her was weird. She totally didn't "get" that she was being mocked and laughed at. The good thing about AS is that since her brain is wired differently, the things that bother her are not the things that would bother me. But it broke my heart. Her comment: "Those kids are just weirdo aliens!" OK, deep breath...I did not want to get upset over something she's not upset over. But the very nerve, teasing a kid in front of that kid's mother. Of course if I'd have said something it would have exacerbated the situation. I spoke with parents of another AS kid today and they confirmed everything I was thinking and the choice I made not to say anything to the rude girl.
I, for one, like kids with AS. They are so honest. It's refreshing these days, in a way. There are several in our homeschooling coop, and I had a nice conversation with one kid today about professional lawn-maintenance vehicles. He was wearing a John Deere sweatshirt, and my guess is, that's his current fascination. I helped him make tea. Styrofoam does not go so well in the microwave.
But back to my observations about dd1 yesterday: When I went to pick her up to take her to her checkup, some of the kids in her cluster/class were sitting with her, sharing their lunches and were very friendly to her and one girl even looked me in the eye and said: "Hi B's Mom!" That was so welcoming. Made me glad. For most of the day, these are the kids dd1 is with, so that is good. A blessing.
I can tell I'm sinking into depression. Can't take St. John's Wort because it counteracts some other meds I'm on and the stop gap health insurance we are getting is for emergencies and does not cover pre-exisitings, so I'm screwed if I get a scrip before this weekend, and I'm screwed if I don't. Oh, well. I've done depressed before. I'm being meticulous about my prayers, about exercise and good with my sleep and eating.
I think I'll go fetch a tall glass of water.
I hope whoever reads this blog is feeling better today than I am. Say a prayer for us, and especially that W would get a sufficiently paying job. I hate being chronically ill. We both know that I don't have the stamina to work full time.